I SEE PEOPLE HAVING BABIES, OR GOING THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC IN THEIR LIVES AND ITS SAD THAT SOMETIMES I ENVY THEM. IN MY PREVIOUS BLOG I TALKED ABOUT A COUPLE WHO IS RECENTLY MARRIED AND THE HUSBAND HAS CANCER. SHE HAS A BLOG THAT TALKS ABOUT THEIR JOURNEY AND HOW STRONG THEIR MARRIAGE IS BECAUSE THEY ARE GOING THROUGH THIS TOGETHER. I THEN COMPARE IT TO THE MARRIAGE BETWEEN TRAVIS AND I AND HOW SIMPLE IT IS AND WONDER WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE IF WE HAD TO GO THROUGH SOMETHING LIKE THAT. WOULD WE MAKE IT? HONESTLY I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T THINK I AM AS STRONG AS OTHERS AND HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH A SIMPLE LIFE. I AM STILL IN THE STAGE OF BEING REALLY SELFISH AND I KNOW THAT SOMEDAY, SOMEHOW THAT HAS TO CHANGE. I WORK WITH A BUNCH OF OLD LADIES AT SEE'S CANDIES AND ONE OF THEM EVEN SAID THAT I AM SELFISH. SHE SAID THIS BECAUSE I TOLD HER I COULDN'T WAIT TO HAVE A BABY (NO I'M NOT PREGNANT) SHE THEN WENT ON EXPLAINING TO ME THAT I AM IN THE "SELFISH AGE." AT FIRST IT KIND OF HURT MY FEELINGS, BUT THEN I GOT THINKING. I REALLY AM SELFISH. THERE ARE A BUNCH OF LITTLE THINGS THAT PROVES THIS. EXAMPLE: TRAVIS HAS TO GET UP KINDA EARLY IN THE MORNING AND WHEN WE WERE FIRST MARRIED I TOLD HIM I WOULD WAKE UP AND MAKE HIM LUNCH (TO SHOW MY LOVE). HOWEVER, I DID THAT TWICE....AND THEN NEVER AGAIN. selfish. I TELL TRAVIS WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO DO IT...A LOT...selfish. I NEVER GET READY BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT AND FEEL NO NEED TO IMPRESS TRAVIS ANY MORE...selfish AND, HONESTLY, SOMETIMES I WANT TO HAVE A BABY...BUT I'VE REALIZED THAT I CAN'T DO THIS BECAUSE I AM SELFISH. I WANT TO HAVE A BABY BECAUSE I THINK IT WILL MAKE LIFE MORE EXCITING FOR ME, OR BRING TRAVIS AND I CLOSER...selfish. FIRST I NEED TO LEARN TO BE SELFLESS. I NEED TO PUT OTHERS FIRST AND STRIVE TO BECOME MORE MATURE BECAUSE A BABY IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE THAT. I NEED TO LEARN THAT BEFORE I BRING A LITTLE POH INTO THIS LIFE. i bet if my mom is reading this she is freaking out. SOMETIMES I LOOK AT MY SISTER SARAH (SHE'S A RETURNED MISSIONARY AKA VERY SELFLESS) AND EVEN THOUGH I THINK I SHOULD STRIVE TO BE MORE LIKE HER I AM STILL SO SO SELFISH AND A PART OF ME DOESN'T WANT TO CHANGE BECAUSE I AM TOO SELFISH AND THINK ITS TOO MUCH WORK. GOSH! I CAN'T EVEN DO MY VISITING TEACHING. WELL IF YOU READ THIS WHOLE THING AND YOU ARE STILL READING THATS MY RANT FOR NOW. SORRY THAT MY LIFE ISNT VERY EXCITING. I JUST WORK TWO JOBS AND THEN COME HOME, EAT, AND SLEEP. and the picture above is of travis and i celebrating out one month anniversary. ENJOY!
So your pic is really cute!!!!! And put God first before anything else and all the other things will fall into place!! I love you!!!!
ReplyDeleteThank goodness you understand that having a baby is not the solution, not that babies aren't wonderful, but right now you should just enjoy the time you two have together ALONE because babies change everything! And so what if life doesn't seem to be so exciting, that's life sometimes, it has it's slow parts, but it also has those moments you will cherish. And the whole selfish thing, I have been there too, you'll get past it eventually and you'll see that being selfless is much more rewarding. It's your first year of marriage and finding out those little things about your marriage and how you interact with Travis takes some getting used to, but if you try to put his needs before your own, you'll soon be finding ways to make life more interesting and exciting for each other.
ReplyDeletehere's the thing girlfriend.
ReplyDeleteour lives are all different because it's what we need at that time. trials are given to us to make us grow, but for some people they do the exact opposite. You and Trav will have your trials and your difficulties; to make you stronger and closer together or to do the opposite. The best part of all of that is, you decide:)
I love you and miss you!!! let's skype soon:):)